Columns
Police Beat
Police Beat : March 2 (2010-100956) 7 a.m.: Whoever stole a Ford pickup from the Holiday Inn on Major Boulevard got a bonus of handguns in the glove box. Yee-haw! (2010-102056) 8 p.m.: Cops saw a woman slipping out of a supposedly unoccupied condo in the 6400 block of South Goldenrod Road, and found her stuff inside. Neighbors said she’s been crashing in empty places for months, getting found and thrown out of one after another. (2010-102259) 11:40 p.m.: As two guys parked at Cornerstone Apartments on Sout ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 3/17/2010
Savage Love
column: My husband and I have been married for one year, but we had been dating for 10 years prior to that. I thought we had a very understanding relationship. In the last couple of days, I have found out that he has a serious obsession with females wearing running shoes. He had in the past hinted at the fact that it turns him on, but I had no idea the scope of this obsession. He was sloppy in covering his tracks one day, and I found evidence on his computer. I should also mention that when he told me ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 3/17/2010
Happytown
column: While you may have been fidgeting with your carb, man, the part-time suits in the Florida legislature have been scheming new ways to harsh your mellow, even if they don’t quite dig your crazy lingo. Last week, HB 187 soared unanimously through the grumpy cigars of the Florida House Finance and Tax Council without so much as a stoner cough. The bill is meant to stifle the head shop workarounds of selling “water pipes,” a term typically employed by winking retailers in dancing bear T-shirts, by ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 3/17/2010
Blister
column: “You weren’t supposed to find out about this,” Tony cheats at me through my husband’s bedside iPhone. “Besides, if you could keep your man happy, we wouldn’t even be talking about this now, would we?” Call it arranged infidelity if you like, some aerosol Easy Cheese dispensation of relationship hubris onto somebody else’s cracker, but tonight’s attempt at indiscretion doesn’t come exactly as a surprise. About a week ago, whilst in the throes of whatever makes the onion bloom in his wild prairie ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 3/17/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) From what I can tell, your excursion to Fake Paradise didn't exact too serious a toll. The accidental detour may have seemed inopportune in the moment, but you know what? I think it slowed you down enough to keep you from doing something rash that you would have regretted later. And are you really sorry you were robbed of your cherished illusions? In the long run, I think it was for the best. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Some people are here on the planet to find success ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 3/17/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923) was called “the most famous actress the world has ever known.” She did a few films in the early days of the cinema, but most of her work was in the theater. At age 70, she played the role of the 13-year-old Juliet in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. I commend her on her refusal to act her age, and recommend that you make a comparable effort in the coming weeks. For example, if you’re in your 20s, try something you thought you wouldn’t do until ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 3/10/2010
Council Watch
Council Watch : It was a tale of two council meetings at this week’s civic square dance. The first half, or nice-people-consent-agenda-with-a-prayer-and-a-pledge, played out cheerfully enough, with such barely interesting effluvia as commissioner Patty Sheehan’s paranoid fake Facebook page scandal and commissioner Daisy Lynum’s pronouncement that she was the Queen of Wal-Mart. But there was always a big issue looming, a financial thunderstorm gathering on the horizon, and when it finally got its airing everyb ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 3/10/2010
Comments
Comments : The light of reason Your article on ACORN [“Smashing ACORN,” March 4] promised a bigger scandal than the pimp tapes. You were correct, the article was scandalously insipid. ACORN and its supporters are at war with a capitalist society. That’s fine by me, but making me finance their war is a bit much. Your supporters of ACORN talk lots about fairness, equality, justice, etc., but what you are really after is a socialist or communist society. I don’t hate socialists and communists because the ... [MORE]
Happytown
column: With all of the recent coverage of discolored water on Hawaii’s coast portending the tsunami to end all tsunamis (or, basically, the tide going out), it’s easy to forget about the big aquatic suck going on right in our backyard. Not so for local name-giggle Dick Batchelor, the former chair of the Florida Environmental Regulation Commission and state representative who now spends his time as a “consultant” saying angry things to anybody who will listen. Which we will. Late last year, Batchelor f ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines, Billy Manes and Justin Strout | 3/10/2010
Savage Love
column: I am a girl who sabotaged my relationship. I was angry; I had complaints. But my real issue was a store of repressed childhood trauma, and I was working it out on the closest person to me, my BF. We had something magical and I destroyed it. I am now willing to give 110 percent to fix it. We no longer have sex. We are hardly on speaking terms. I know now that my relationship skills are stunted – more childhood baggage – but I want to save my relationship. Do you have any tips on initiating sex ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 3/10/2010
Police Beat
Police Beat : Feb. 23 (2010-89472) 1 p.m.: The tasteful thief chooses Gribble Interior Group on East Marks Street as the place to select an antique chair and table and other elegant fixtures. Oh, and an office computer. Feb. 24 (2010-91466) 2:39 p.m.: Burglars at an apartment in the 3000 block of South Semoran Boulevard left the scene in two cars, and when one vehicle was stopped, its four occupants confessed. (2010-92229) 11: 20 p.m.: Four guys came into the Citgo on Tallokas Avenue, robbed the clerk ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 3/10/2010
Blister
column: This is the lesbian breaking point. Despite our collective lack of lady parts and general inability to make mountains out of our nippled molehills, Tony and I are this close to cracking the khaki-cargo ceiling as we shift uncomfortably in my Volkswagen people mover. For him, it’s a tale of pseudo-husband passive aggression involving the burning of digital photographs onto a CD: the hemming, the hawing, the you’re-going-out-without-me-but-not-yet tendrils of man-on-man domesticity interfaced with ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 3/10/2010
HAPPYTOWN
by Billy Manes
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
by Rob Brezsny
SAVAGE LOVE
by Dan Savage
BLISTER
by Billy Manes
POLICE BEAT
by Jim Gaines
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