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ARTS

Missing men

Ten ways to stay busy until Mad Men returns

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When you can’t be next to your crush, the next best thing is to hang out with people just as crushed-out as you, and perhaps the most detailed (and borderline stalker-y) of the thousands of MM fan sites is Basket of Kisses (lippsisters.com). BoK slices the details so thin you can see through them; on a given day they may delve into Bert Cooper’s motivation for whistling “Give a Dog a Bone” after speaking to Pete Campbell; an obituary of the actor who played Pete’s father in exactly one scene of one episode; the unspoken subtext of a brief exchange between Betty Draper and divorcee-next-door Helen Bishop (with a supporting dip into the Clutter family murders that inspired Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood); and, example by example, the “really significant” bird motif in Season 1 (with 18 multi-paragraph responses from their readers). Should this level of fangirl mania wear you out, Slate’s Mad Men TV Club is similarly obsessive, but with a more historical-scholarly bent – plus, reading it doesn’t give you the queasy suspicion that, given the chance, the writers would kidnap Matthew Weiner and eat his face. If you just want a good laugh, check out Pete Campbell’s Bitchface or any of the hundreds of other Tumblr sites devoted to Mad Men GIF-wizardry.

8 Beat the habit

Feel cheated when Joan and Roger slip under the covers and then it cuts to the next scene? Devil’s Film can fix that. The makers of porn parodies ranging from UFC to The Bachelor to Twilight cobbled together This Isn’t Mad Men: The XXX Parody , a baffling take-it-off takeoff of Mad Men. While the research seems to have been limited to a quick viewing of a random episode (most likely “Long Weekend,” judging by the vigorous encounter between Don Draper and Season 1 character Rachel Menken), the admirable inattention to period detail is the hilarious selling point here. From the framed 2002 Newsweek cover on the wall to Draper’s pink microfiber office chair next to a massive bookshelf to a blonde Joan Harris (“It doesn’t hurt to start at the bottom,” she tells newbie Peggy Olson, “or even on your knees”) to the brief appearance by a lens cap and an off-camera (but very loud) digital camera, this is the rare porn that lives up to its title.

9 Play games

What do Sterling Cooper’s young guns do to bide their time between backstabbings? They slap on a fedora and head to Los Angeles to solve some crimes, of course. L.A. Noire is a MotionScan mood piece following haunted detective Cole Phelps as he rises through the PD ranks, nailing mobsters and drug dealers while surrounded by movie stars and femme fatales. The coolest (and Mad Men-est) part: Cole is voiced by Aaron Staton, aka junior account exec and Atlantic-published short-story writer Ken Cosgrove. (Also featured are the nasally vocals of one Vincent Kartheiser, or, as we know and love him, Pete Campbell.) A warning from a gamer friend, however: “The controller buzzes every time you get close to a clue and the game tells you when you’ve gathered all the clues necessary to solve the case. Kind of defeats the purpose of being a detective.” But – but – Ken Cosgrove! Available for both Playstation and X-Box.

10 Queue up

Of course, nothing satisfies like the real thing. Netflix announced at the end of July that they’d reached a deal with Lionsgate to make all four seasons available for streaming, thereby killing two bitter pills with one swallow. Netflix members incensed at the recent 56 percent rate increase may be soothed by yet another cultural phenom show making itself completely accessible instead of sticking with the DVD-by-mail model most are wedded to; it also makes Netflix appear to be a player worth sticking by. Impatient Mad Men fans can now scratch the itch anywhere, anytime (so long as they’re Netflix members). That’s 52 sweet, moody, saudade-inous hours to dole out to yourself or wallow in for the next … seven … months. Ouch.

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