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Jeff Gore and Billy Manes Archives
Shepherd, Lindy T.
Young, Jessica Bryce
In which Mike Haridopolos confuses himself into a lawsuit, Rick Scott confuses state universities for idiots and the gays are about to be less confused – legally speaking – in Orlando. A ball of confusion for everyone!
The week we weathered Gov. Rick Scott's terrible foray into teaching Immokalee kids about owl pellets and farming ... before getting lost in the gay crossfire of a mayoral bitchfest over a benefits ordinance. Floridian pride overload!
The local Democratic machine gets a swift kick in the ass, a Food Not Bombs founder exchanges anarchist recipes and we take a look at the sports that happen when no sports are happening. It's a Happytown Thanksgiving!
Gov. Rick Scott crashes a gun range, state Republicans play a game of legislative chicken and wouldn't everything be better in the NBA (or otherwise) with an electronic whip? We've got that whip appeal, baby.
The week the city got all gay on the county, Polk Sheriff Grady Judd continued to get all hot on the porn and the Siegel's unfinished mansion overshadowed the region's hunger crisis. Sex and money, then!
The week that Gadhafi got killed, the occupiers got arrested and the chamber got off scot-free. Is there no justice? Well, sometimes.
This week we contemplated cruel and unusual punishment. Would it be death by firing squad, electric chair or a blood-spitting whip at the Holy Land Experience with Lizz Winstead? We'd prefer the comedic Jesus option, frankly.
We got preoccupied with the Occupation of the City Beautiful, then we snapped out of it and measured imaginary drapes with the latest mayoral contender. Orlando is on fire! Run for your lives!
We're proud Linda Stewart was born this way and born to run for office. We're not so proud the the Creative Village may turn into Portlando. That Commander X hacking thing? We don't know what to think. We're too busy marching.
- In the name of love (pride)
As Orlando prepares for Come Out With Pride, we highlight some reasons to be proud of our LGBT community
The Republicans were coming! In lieu of eating pizza with Herman Cain, we popped in on a Ron Paul confab, looked for the sequestered bobbing heads of protest outside of the convention center and figured out that – surprise! – conservatives are talking about Jesus weather again. We were blown away.
This week we take a SWAT at Patty Sheehan's condo-hostage shenanigans, get ready to take a bullet wound in all 50 states and listen to Newt Gingrich fans discuss a new target-practice immigration policy. BANG!
Alan Grayson called Newt Gingrich fat. We drank. A federal judge tossed out the redistricting lawsuit. We drank. The ACLU challenged piss tests for the poor. We drank. And then we, along with the firefighters, took to Facebook to post inappropriate pictures. We don't remember any of it.
The week when Haridopolos learned how to lie on YouTube, Republicans falsely conjured reparations and objectivity was kicked out of the Middle East. This is the week we'll never forget?
This week we get all hot and bothered with Debbie Wasserman Schultz at an Obama office launch, then we get get all cold and critical in our private prison cell. We go to extremes.
This week, we race for the merch booth on Rick Scott's rhubarb reinvention tour, hide in your backyard (because you don't want us in your backyard) on the municipal redistricting tour and adjust our baby monitors to the "controversy" frequency at Disney. We are everywhere.
Cover boy Rick Scott rolls into town in a Walmart shopping cart (we roll our eyes), the Republican machine rolls in the dirt of activist profiling and a bunch of trucker mustaches roll through the convention center. We're on a roll, here
The traveling redistricting circus reminds us what wasting time feels like, Phil Diamond throws Jesus chicken at us and WFTV Channel 9 concocts a class war via homeless paranoia.
The wingnuts are coming! The wingnuts are coming! Oh, wait. They're already here. While we were busy scrubbing the vomit out of our polyester suits (a somewhat unavoidable catharsis resulting from our annual Best of Orlando shenanigans), an entirely different flavor of vomit was rising in our throats.
Vouchers are like depression gift certificates, city elections are like moving goalposts and gas prices are too damn high for Brian Feldman.
In which we playfully crash the bejeweled intentions of the Dr. Phillips Center's tent party and then try to get all up in the face of evil Gov. Rick Scott. We will survive!
The week where we play Frankenstein inside Rick Scott's charisma vacuum, get taken for a ride down to J.J. Redick's pubic floor and dive Six Feet Under for a family photo. Scary!
The city racks up more philanthropic arrests, the mayor tends to the million-dollar fountain and the police chief shuffles away. There must be something in the water!
The one where Republicans try to pin the tail on Charlie Crist's donkey, the city bluntly reaffirms that it is indeed an cruel (fat!) mistress and the county is a joke that isn't funny anymore.
A budgetary Sharpie blots out the Smurfs in the Villages, UCF takes over Orlando (or at least it should), the Casey Anthony trial ties up valuable talking-head resources and, hey, Jon Huntsman, welcome to our closet!
Welcome to the Great Suppression! Maybe you’ve been going about your Floridian lawn-chair life just staring at the throbbing starburst on the inside of your eyelids – you know, the one that comes from looking up at the glorious sun – comfortably bathed in
The gurgle and pop of Democratic balls, the rattle and wheeze of a Disney challenge and the distant sound of justice dying in Florida
The hottest new laws in the 2011 legislative session (as a sketch!) and The Fountainhead comes to Winter Park to bust unions.
The feds give a royal two fingers to Medicaid privatization, the Dems shout down Dan Webster and not all chambers are full of secrets
Unions get smart (and angry), gays get benefits (and ridicule), UCF hates environmentalists (and trees) and can somebody make Gary Siplin go away? Please?
The city starves its empathy (again), DPAC trips over its pretense (again) and your legislature does not want you to vote. No alarms, no surprises ... please.
How to incorporate your uterus, commodify the homeless and get Rick Scott fired (if you're Ralph Nader)
The state descends into a puddle of tears as unions are busted, the minimum wage is challenged, homeless rolls skyrocket and everybody looks for a free bus. Sad town!
DPAC looks for some Disney magic, Semoran is just another brick in Tony Ortiz's mustache wall and life is a pizza contest!
The state of the city is fake, the state of the state is harrowing, state of the art cameras are watching you steal flowers and state Dems seek an altered state.
The week that the county and the city made (fake) nice, rail made more racket and justice took a markdown.
The week that the county squashed the city's "arts" dream, Maitland wondered what art was, cops and firemen got angry and Full Sail became a full male
Mike Haridopolos gets sanitized, Teresa Jacobs conjures DPAC magic and rich people in apartments can feel a lot safer now
Playing Tea Party with the kids (and Dick Morris!), playing favorites with dog breeds and paying the Chinese for VA construction. God bless Orlando.
Noisy tumbleweed Linda Stewart is back to rule the world, Alan Grayson will never stop pretending to rule the world and baseball will never really happen in Orlando. Strike!
Rick Scott's never gonna give us up, Social Security's never gonna let us down, Linda Chapin's always gonna run around and deter us
Nobody likes Rick Scott, liberals (still) love Alan Grayson, Bill Nelson hates chromium and you can't interfere with destiny!
Looking back in anger, looking forward to no performing arts center and looking out for trigger-happy cops!
A hitch in redistricting draws the attention of the ACLU, Gov.-elect Rick Scott makes Florida's miseducation even worse and there's a hairball in your homeless food!
Scarecrow Rick Scott falls on the Republican rails, hot chicks wash cars and Alan Grayson for President? Oh, no.
Sen. Bill Nelson is lost in space, Florida is lost in translation, Winter Park dogs are lost in their owners' anger and Orlando tries to lose its gas issues.
Sure, you love Jesus when you're shopping. But what about the gays and the homeless people?
The attorney general's office wants you to die, Rick Scott wants you to remove your blouse, Publix wants a tomato in its face and Florida loves its Nazis!
Wherein we bemoan the demise of the Florida Democratic Party, decry the smugness of Bank of America and then stare into a mirror to discover the real ugly
- It gets better
A local take on the national project to save gay youth
Mascot Gov. Rick Scott will be no challenge for CannonHair, the Holy Land turns 10 in secret and you'll never get high – legally – in Florida
Just like you, beleaguered television viewer with your eyes crossed at the incessant parade of political noise bom-barding your brain, we are so ready for this election cycle to be over.
Like most thoughtful individuals with hearts that actually beat, we spent a good portion of the past couple of weeks under a pink pall of doom.